possession

21 January 2003 - 22:45

<<--unravel * reintegrate-->>

To be taken over. To be possessed. To lift beyond. Not the rest.

I thought I knew what I was writing before, but not quite. Dear God. This force that is bigger than me but is me has swooped down from heaven and animated me. I almost can't take it. I have felt before like I was a channel for some kind of superhuman sadness. Now I feel like a channel for joy, but it's more than that -- I am experiencing a level of sensitivity that is very rare. I write things over and over in my journal, reeling and headiness and God.

That feeling of standing on a cliff with your arms open. Or of floating over everything, with wind rushing through your head, and you can bite it, you can taste it--something infinite and all-consuming and ethereal. In the ballroom, the dancers rose off the ground.

I tell myself every time this goes away that it was never real. And I tell myself every time it's here that it's the only thing worth living for.

<<--unravel * reintegrate-->>