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...through a series of unexpected happenings...01 September 2004 - 10:56 ...becomes aware of the procession of events... Kale said to me, "Have you ever been inside a rainbow?" The next thing I knew we were driving out on lonely highways to try to enter this rainbow. After it became apparent that we couldn't do it, we decided to turn around and head back into town. The shoulder of the road looked solid but wasn't, and when K tried to turn around, he lost control of the car, and it slammed into a telephone pole. The tire popped off the rim, the front of our van was smashed, and I flew into the windshield. I climbed out of the van into about a foot of mud; the wind was picking up; we didn't know where we were; our cell phones didn't work in that area. He said, "Whatever is going to happen now, we simply don't know." The stability in my life (and now I mean directional and financial, rather than emotional) has been tenuous for well over a year. We both have jobs now, but I feel so much like a work in progress, I don't always want to see my friends. Or I do want to see them, but simply be silent about my life. I hope it's that I'm trying out a new artistic technique, and I'm hesistant to reveal it, but I worry it's that I'm lost. Maybe the only way not to be lost in this overwhelming world is to find yourself. Sometimes I feel like what I need to do must be done blind, like spontaneously learning another language. It's so fantastic, like driving towards a rainbow -- the symbol of hope -- on the day our (or their) Savior was born with no food or money and almost no gas... |