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diaryland

to have and to hold

06 September 2003 - 12:18

<<--unravel * reintegrate-->>

I have been thinking about directions lately, on many levels. You can love someone because you hold her at night. Or you can hold her because you love her. As I child, I used to hold my pillow, because that is what you do with a loved one, and I needed love. As a slightly older child, I used to hold my boyfriends, because that is what you do with a loved one, and I needed love. And then I experienced love that just comes at you, love that inspires you to hold. Imaginative need, ritualized love. Needlessness, explosive love.

It might be tempting to favor one, but they have their places. There are community based societies where the concept of family is very large, and the concept of the individual small, and here are more rituals. Here you hold someone until you love him. And then there are societies where emphasis is on the individual, and you leave home because you're encouraged to do that, you're encouraged to strike out for yourself, and you are needier than ever, but because of this focus on the rugged individual, your interactions necessarily must be explosive or inspired, or you're just returning home somehow.

I hold myself at night right now, and I like it well enough; I'm simply observing a few things.

<<--unravel * reintegrate-->>